


Memories of You

by Lyril



Series: Jūbun [3]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Gen, Mentioned Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Moving On, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Unnamed Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28342407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyril/pseuds/Lyril
Summary: A sequel set after Part 2 and directly after the ending of Part 1.-Loss was not a foreign concept to one such as Hades. To live was also to lose. To love was also to lose. It was a curse for an immortal who loved a mortal.Only his beloved had passed on far too early before her time. And left with a young son, he struggled to pick up the pieces. To find meaning in life once more and move on. Except moving on had never been something Hades was good at and he found himself struggling even more now than ever.
Relationships: Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light
Series: Jūbun [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021432
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Memories of You

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the sequel to Part 1 and 2, which unfortunately you'll need to read them first (Part 1 more than 2) in order to understand the context for this. 
> 
> Please enjoy. :)

Hades stared at his desk with lifeless eyes. Reports littered the huge mahogany desk in a messy heap, unattended and abandoned for weeks. Taxation. The national finance. The latest update on the removal of another castrum off Eorzea's soil. Visitation request.

All of them, meaningless.

He tossed the report he was holding onto the desk, some manner of import his advisor had forced into his hand on his way here that he didn't care to read about. The thick folder hit a pile and they fell into a heap on the floor, scattering papers everywhere. Hades ignored the mess in favor of the family painting hanging on the wall behind the desk. He stared at the smiles and happy faces. Of a happier, peaceful time.

Of a time he was sure would last forever.

He looked away and snapped his fingers, sending the painting off its hook to crash onto the marbled floor. The gilded frame broke on impact and the sound resounded across the empty chamber, across his hollowed heart.

Lies.

He turned his attention to the closed window. There were no laughter to be heard and while the sky was clear and bright, he could not see the color of it.

A knock on the door alerted him of the presence of another and the voice of his retainer greeted him.

"I had arranged a meeting with the royal undertaker as per your request, Your Radiance." The man said in a voice completely bereft of his usual optimism. "She is currently waiting for Your Radiance in the throne chamber."

Hades made a minute nod of acknowledgement, eyes turning away from the windows and back to the desk before him. He walked around the desk to reach the bottom drawer, pulling it open to reveal the purpose he was here. A small, round music box sat on a stack of books; one he had been working on during his spare time.

A music box that played her lullaby.

His intended next gift for her.

A gift he hadn't managed to complete in time, as sure as he was then with the time he had.

The very reminder rouse within him a strong urge to grab and haul it across the chamber, to destroy the very thing that reminded him of her, of his failures and regrets.

He should have told her...

He took a shuddering breath in and reached for the music box with a delicate hand. He took a moment to study the white and gold design, simple yet elegant. He was sure she would like it.

He would never know if she really would...

He swallowed the lump rising in his throat and carefully placed the box into his coat's pocket before turning to leave.

The hallways were empty of gossips and murmurs. The life that used to fill the palace had been sucked completely dry, leaving it a cold empty wasteland. It reminded him of the old days, when he walked these halls as Solus and reigned with an iron fist.

At least then he had a purpose.

What purpose was there left for him now?

***

The royal undertaker drone on about the funeral they would be having. Everything was standard affair. Familiar. From the decorations to the list of guests to the location of the burial ground in which she would be laid to rest.

Hades listened half-heartedly as he tinkered with the music box, finishing it while ensuring to nod every few minutes to assure the old lady he was listening and approved of her planning. But truth be told, he didn't care about any of it.

It didn't matter how grand it would be.

It didn't matter how her coffin would look.

It didn't matter because she's gone and she's not coming back.

***

The first night saw Hades spent too long in his now too empty bed awake, staring out the ceiling high windows at the cloudless sky. Garlemald's primary usage of ceruleum had polluted the air to the point where it's impossible to look at the stars.

But that was fine. He could still see the Lifestream flowing across the sky, the myriad colors of souls within still preferable over the stars in the night sky. And in them, he could see hers.

He spent the entire night following her soul while the completed music box played her lullaby in an endless loop beside him. He spent the entire night fixated on the color. This way, he could pretend she was still here with him. This way, he could ignore the deep empty chasm in his heart that was left from her departure. And when his body could take no more, all he dreamt was that selfsame color and the smiles and laughter that accompanied it.

When he woke the next morning, mind still lingering at the tail end of his dream, his arm unconsciously reached out to her side of the bed, seeking her warmth. But when all he felt was an empty and cold space, his eyes slowly cracked open, confusion swimming in his sleep addled mind. His first thought was of her already tending to their son but when his eyes landed on the silent music box sitting on her side of the bed, reality came crashing in.

He reached out for her abandoned pillow, dragging it across the bed and burying his face into it. Her smell still lingered and he inhaled deeply, letting it fill every inch of his being before a sob left his lips.

He pushed his face deeper into the pillow as more wrecked sobs escaped.

Not for the first time he wished he had died alongside her.

***

Her body was laid in a beautiful, intricately designed coffin made of black and gold with the emblem of Garlemald to signify her grand standing.

Meaningless.

He looked at her, surrounded by colorful flowers and yet could not see the color that used to embody her so. He looked at her, dressed in her favorite gown and could only see the empty, lifeless vessel that used - but no longer - housed the soul he had loved across the ages. He looked at her and remembered all those countless times he had spent bells tracing and memorizing every scar, every dips and curves, every imperfection.

He looked at her and was reminded once more of his loss.

But Hades had no more tears to shed.

He rested his arms on the edge of the open coffin and let his eyes wandered every part of her that he could see, even when his heart continued to break at every memory associated with it. He looked still because it would be the last and they would close the lid and bury her forever.

And so Hades looked, and break, and continued to impart everything to memory.

It was all he could do.

And at the end, he reached a hand inside and brushed fingertips across the ring on her finger. Gold and eternal, made entirely of his own aether just as the one on his finger was made from hers. His promise to love her forever. And as he gently slipped it off her cold finger and raised it to place a gentle kiss on its metallic cool surface, he silently made the selfsame promise once more.

Twirling his finger, he gathered aether off her cold body to craft a simple silver necklace off it. He slid her ring into the necklace and tied it around his neck, placing it close to his heart.

His gaze returned to her once more, heart heavy, throat tightening as he reached inside to caress her cheek in ways he had done a million times over.

"I love you." He whispered, the first and the last.

If only...

He swallowed hard and withdrew his hand. With a snap of his fingers, the lid closed on the coffin with a resounding finality. He stared at it for a moment, gathering his broken heart before turning to walk away with a familiar slouch.

***

The funeral went without much fanfare. It was suitably grand as befitted an Empress and the entire world gathered to mourn the passing of a hero. Her friends and Eorzea's leaders stood by his side even when he paid them no heed, eyes fixed at the scene before him as they lowered her coffin into the earth.

Vernus had said nothing during the entire ceremony. People, Hades included, had expected a boy his age to lash out, to cry, to do...something but all he did was watched with the same detachment as his father had.

Exhibiting the same inner strength she possessed.

A reminder he did not need.

Not here. Not now. Not when they were already shoveling dirt onto her coffin.

He brushed his finger across the smooth surface of his ring beneath his glove, desperate to find strength and comfort through the aether that encompassed it.

Her aether.

He held on, pushed the emotions down and focused entirely on the ceremony before him.

He had done it a great many times before. He could do it again here.

Sobs filled the solemn, cold air. Snow started to drift lazily downward. His body shook and he wasn't sure if it was because of the chill. He continued to roll his ring around his finger, continued to drag the smooth, warm surface across his skin.

He could no longer see the coffin. The dirt piling higher and higher. He clenched his other hand into a tight fist as he reminded himself again and again that it was just a vessel. He should not hold that much emotional attachment to it.

And yet, hadn't he touched and loved and appreciated it every single day and night? Hadn't that selfsame vessel bore him a son that he had loved so dearly? Hadn't those eyes held so much adoring love, that smile so warm that it made him believed life was worth living?

Streak of wetness touched his cheeks and he was not sure if it was because of the snow. He turned towards the sky, at the heavy dark clouds looming above, weeping alongside them.

Yes, it was definitely because of the snow.

***

The Scions would not leave him alone.

Even after the funeral was done and the purpose of their visitation complete, they remained behind in Garlemald while other guests had already departed in haste. As if stepping foot there was an offense, much less staying longer than necessary.

Not that Hades cared. The sooner they leave the better.

But the Scions remained behind.

Always with their irritating heroism. Always insisting on pushing their unwanted nose into people's business, uncaring if it was even asked for.

And he was their latest project.

He gritted his teeth in annoyance when he saw them at his dining hall, his library, his hallways, his garden. No matter where Hades went, one of them was always present. It was almost like he was being spied on or worse, house arrest in his own palace, his own Empire.

Like he was a ticking time bomb that could blow up and wipe the Source any time soon.

A tempting idea, one he would seriously consider if they continued with their insistence to ensure he was alright, to ensure he was dealing with her death well.

He wasn't but that was also none of their business, regardless if he had come to see them as friends, in the loosest sense of the word. He merely wanted some time alone, to gather the fractured pieces of his life and attempted to put them back together.

He was trying hard to forget her and moved on even if every corner, every shadow had made him pause in his steps, breath caught in his throat when he thought he saw a glimpse of her in his peripheral vision.

And always he would sag against the wall in despair.

He was trying but it was futile.

And he would constantly find himself standing alone before her grave, yelling at her for the lies, the deceit, the pain she had caused him. Because none of the things she promised had come true. Because she left him and he couldn't see the way out of the abyss she had thrown him in.

He yelled and he yelled until his throat was hoarse and his entire being shook with exhaustion. And when there was no anger left, and he was left with a deep hollow emptiness inside, he would sink to his knees, head hung low as a soft sob left his lips.

"I'm not fine."

Her soul had traveled out of Garlemald and he could no longer see it.

***

The Scions finally left after deeming him 'safe' enough to be left alone. He did not know under what standard they were basing his sanity on to make that decision nor did he care to know. He was merely glad to get them out of his skin.

Although he would admit that their presence had been good for Vernus. The boy had seemed more like himself when they were around. Now he was quiet, too quiet. What was once an over energetic boy breaking through walls and escaping lessons had suddenly turned to a solemn, joyless boy who acted like he had suddenly gained a decade in age overnight.

Hades frowned in concern when Vernus had bowed and bid his leave after breakfast.

He used to give his father a hug.

Now Hades could only watch the retreating back, his own body twisted slightly out of habit in preparation for that hug that never came. He stared at his outstretched arms and thought, for the first time, that perhaps Vernus wasn't fine after all.

And for the first time since she was bedridden, clinging on to life, he had started to take note of his son's well being. And what he saw worried him.

"He had been diligent in his studies, you say?" Hades asked, eyes glued on his report.

"Yes, Your Radiance." His retainer replied after a pause, the soft clink of his tea being placed on the mahogany desk filled his study. "His tutor had been beside himself with pride at the change."

Hades made a noncommittal sound, putting down his report in favor of turning his attention to his left, through the windows and towards where Vernus' lessons were taking place. Sure enough, he could see the telltale green of his son's soul; calm and focused.

He could only frown deeper in concern.

Something was definitely not right.

But had he the courage to face Vernus after his failures? Had he the strength to withstand the constant reminder of her every time he looked at the boy who was so much like her in all but physical appearances?

He looked away and returned to the pile of work he had abandoned for close to a moon.

He would tackle that problem when it came but for now...for now...he would focus on his work instead. A distraction that did well to take his mind away from thinking about her and his loss. And when he worked hard enough, pushed himself hard enough, he would fall asleep easily through the night only to repeat the same thing the next day.

It had worked well before in the past. It would work again.

Perhaps when the time comes, he would find the inner strength needed to face Vernus.

He just did not expect the time to arrive as early as that night itself, when he walked past the boy's chamber on the way to his, feet dragging across the floor in utter exhaustion.

The usually closed door was slightly ajar when he walked past, catching his attention at the oddity. Out of curiosity, he silently walked towards the ajar door, peering inside.

Vernus' chamber had always been bright and warm, full of things he loved and gifts he had received from others which he had treasured deeply.

The chamber he was entering now was surprisingly dark and cold. Neat when it usually wasn't. Lifeless when it was usually filled to the brim with it. And to further put a stab to his heart with guilt was the sight of him, sitting alone on the balcony with his back to him, body folded into himself.

It was a familiar sight. A sight he often found himself in after the Sundering. A sight he had once saw his wife in.

And it brought a sense of horror at the realization that he had, in his own selfishness, turned his own son to be a mirror of who he once was. Someone forced to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders by himself with no one to offer comfort and support. No one whom he could lean on.

And unlike him, his son was only 10.

_What had he done?_

He had promised to protect him and yet...

_What had he done?_

"Vernus?" He called in a hesitating voice, jolting the boy from the obvious despair he was drowning in. Hades' heart broke even more at the sight of the youthful, tear streaked face when Vernus whipped his head around, surprise evident in his swollen eyes.

Her eyes.

Hades swallowed thickly, pushing his emotions to the side as he watched Vernus quickly rubbed his face and eyes dry with his sleeve. The boy swung his legs around and jumped off the balcony so he could meet his father halfway, bowing in respect.

"Father."

Hades tensed at the cold greeting, formal and impersonal. He rolled his ring once more as he nodded at the balcony before him.

"Watching the Lifestream I take it?"

He knew that was not the whole truth but he didn't know how to approach the subject, how to ask, if he even had the right to ask, if he would even like the answer to that ask.

Vernus' expression was neutral and betrayed no emotions. If they were in any political setting, it would have made Hades proud. But all he felt now was how much he hated it.

_What had he done?_

_What could he do to fix this?_

_Could he even - ?_

"Yes." Vernus answered in a flat tone and Hades grimaced even more. "I thought it would be good to practice my Sight on my own, so I could better aid you, father."

"And your studies as well?" Hades asked, forcing himself to maintain eye contact even if all he wanted was to look away from that deadpan expression. Those lifeless eyes that ill-suited him.

"Yes." Vernus nodded. "I'm the crown prince of Garlemald. It's high time I perform my duties as one."

Anger brew in the pit of his stomach and Hades finally looked away, hands balled into fists tightly behind him.

"Did I do something to displease you, father?" A hesitation, a slight wavering in his voice, a small break to the mask he had on and Hades latched on to it like a man obsessed.

"Indeed you had." He gritted out, turning his gaze to sweep around the tidy chamber all while Vernus took a stunned step back, eyes wide in...fear? Why would he...?

Hades' eyes landed on the family painting on the far wall. Those childish drawings Vernus drew of slaying monsters and of adventuring were notably absent.

"You removed them." He noted with a frown.

"Ah, yes, I did." Vernus replied in surprise, turning to where Hades was staring at. "Daydreams have no place in a crown prince's life. They are but hindrances that should be removed less I-"

"Enough!" Hades snapped, his anger finally reached the boiling point and he had had enough of whatever this was. He turned his glare towards the young boy, his jaw clenched so hard it hurt.

But it could not compare to the hurt of seeing his son now, like this.

And he had no one to blame but himself.

"Father?" Vernus took another step back in fear and Hades ignored it, even when a part of him could feel the sting of guilt from his action.

But more than the guilt was anger and a familiar sense of self-loathing.

_He did this._

"What brought all these?" Hades waved his hand around the chamber. "The cleaning, the removal of things you held so dear, the sudden change in character!"

"They please you." Vernus replied and once again, his voice wavered, his expression slowly falling apart.

A pause, and then Hades' frown morphed to one of confusion. "What exactly gave you the idea I would be pleased by these?"

"Because you no longer look at me anymore." Tears were starting to gather at his eyes and he balled his small hands into fists as he continued. "I killed mother and you hated me for it. So I'm trying to do what pleases you. To be the perfect son, so you could forgive me. So mother could forgive me."

All anger dissipated and Hades stared at his now crying son in stunned silence.

"Mother died because of me." Vernus sobbed out, all mask and pretenses crumbling completely before them and finally looking more like himself. Vulnerable. Young. A mere child. "She was always so tired chasing after me, making sure I don't get into trouble. Making sure I attend my lessons. If I had been perfect, she would still live. If I had listen, she wouldn't have died. So that's why...that's why...!"

"Vernus - "

"Please forgive me, father." Vernus raised his arm and rubbed furiously at his eyes even when his cheeks were now stained in tears. "I'll try my best. I'll be the son you wanted. So please don't leave me as well."

Hades took the last few steps and threw his arms around the boy, crushing him into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry." Hades choked out, his own tears cascading down his cheeks as his own heart ached once again. "I'm so sorry, Vernus." He swallowed down the tightness in his throat, arms tightening even more when he received the same in return.

"I am at the wrong for abandoning you, for not being strong enough to face you. The fault lies entirely with me and not with you. You are not at fault. Your mother's death is never your fault or anyone's fault. She gave her life for the world and is finally getting her due rest."

Vernus tipped his head up and he asked in a wavering voice, "You won't be leaving me, then?"

"Never." He was more afraid of Vernus leaving him. "I am not going anywhere."

"And mother...never blamed me?"

"She loved you dearly, Vernus. You were her world." He placed a kiss on the crown of the boy's head, relishing in the softness of his hair. "As do I."

His confession brought forth even more tears as Vernus pressed his face back into his chest, fingers tightening on the back of his coat. "I miss her."

"I know." Hades nodded, taking a deep breath in even when it was futile. Even when there was no stopping his own tears. "I miss her as well."

And he did. Every day. Every second. There was not a moment where he did not miss her, no matter how deep he drowned himself into his work. His mind would inadvertently go to her. And he knew that would not stop any time soon.

Would not stop ever.

But he needed to be strong. Vernus needed him now more than ever and he would not let him feel that way anymore. To feel abandoned. To feel as if his father no longer loved him.

He had erred gravely but no longer.

Later that night, when there were no more tears to be shed, he had tucked Vernus to bed. It was something he had not done in years; the boy having outgrown the need for it. But this time, he felt it only right to do so.

Hades placed the music box beside Vernus, understanding he would need it more than Hades did. He stood there by the bed, watching his son's sleeping face with a sense of nostalgia.

How long had it been since that day when he held him for the first time, eyes tracing every inch of that small face, already memorizing every detail. How his heart was heavy with emotions, almost at the brink of bursting with love and joy.

How he had made that promise to himself and to the babe.

He reached down to run gentle fingers through Vernus' soft hair and silently renewed that promise.

And when he had his fill of watching, assured that the boy would sleep through the night, Hades turned to leave. When he reached the doorway, he hesitated and looked over his shoulder to inspect the chamber once more.

The tidiness and cold emptiness ill fit Vernus. He snapped his fingers and immediately the chamber returned to how it had always been. Messy, filled to the brim with junks and most of all, the drawings the boy had drawn were now where they were meant to be, on his walls.

A representation of his dreams.

A reminder to Hades of what Vernus truly wanted in life.

He took one last look at his son before closing the door behind him.

That night, Hades felt a lot lighter than he had in weeks and his heart renewed with purpose. And when he succumbed to the call of sleep, the memories no longer haunt him.

***

The sun shined high above him, warm and comforting as Hades nap under the bough of a tree. Garlemald rarely has sunny days and when it did, he would always take this opportunity to nap, to rest his mind, to ready himself mentally for what came ahead.

Not many knew of this location; a private garden in the far west wing of the palace that only a small handful knew about. And those who did would know better than to bother him.

So when he was being roused by the soft whispering and approaching footsteps, Hades was not pleased. With his eyes still closed, he frowned and turned his back towards the intruders in hopes of making his intention known.

But when the intruders continued unimpeded, Hades started to study the aether of these uninvited guests, to judge if a certain death penalty would be warranted.

There were two of them; one being Vernus while the other, unknown. Hades only frowned deeper in confusion. Vernus had left Garlemald several moons ago to venture across the world, strengthening political ties while doing what he had always loved best: adventuring and helping the less fortunate.

Hades had not expected the boy - no, already a man approaching his 30th nameday - to return so soon. He had not expected his return for another half a year at best.

Nonetheless, as happy as Hades was to see him, this intrusion cannot be forgiven easily. When the footsteps stopped and he could almost feel the warmth of another body, he was about to turn around with scathing words when the clear, crisp melody of a well-maintained music box filled the air.

His eyes sprung open in shock, his body tensed at the recognition and nostalgia. How long has it been since he had last heard it. How long has it been since Vernus had stopped playing it every night and chose to keep it preserved as perfectly as he could, maintaining it diligently like the most priceless of treasures.

Why would Vernus suddenly -

"I love the gift, Hades." A young woman's voice, one he could not recognize yet that tone...that gentle lilt that beheld a deep affection... "Thank you."

Hades finally whipped around to face the intruder and was hit by the most breathtaking of blue. One he had not seen in decades. One he had missed every single second of every day since her passing.

His lips parted, throat tightening, eyes blurring with tears.

She laughed and reached out to brush his tears away, her smile warm and familiar. "I love you, too."

He reached out to pull her down to him, holding her close, feeling his soul wept with joy at having finally been reunited with his other half. He buried his face into her hair and sobbed.

"I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, I hope you like this piece and the happy ending (yes, the WoL bargained with Hydaelyn to have her memories intact as reward for her long term service. So it's not a lie, Hades. :)). 
> 
> This piece was something I never intended to write in the first place. It was originally intended to be the ending for Part 2 but I wanted that to be a standalone along with keeping with its general good/cute/fluffy feel. Putting this there ruins it hence the need to separate them. And since I'm one third through, I thought to just finish it! Hope you like it even though there were parts of it that I'm still not satisfied with despite the many revision.
> 
> Once again, thank you for the read!


End file.
